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Whispers...

"Whisper Those Sweet Lies To Me Again, Those Sweet Lies That Make Me So Weak, Those Sweet Lies That Make Me Come Back To You Everytime, Even Though You Hurt Me Deep Inside...."

Nov. 1st, 2007

I hate myself...but I hate Xanax more...

*sigh*

♥*Mel*

Passing On...

I hadn't written about his death here but I did write about it in the past, but my great grandfather died on Tuesday, September 11, at almost 4pm. After losing his wife of 69 years in August, he finally gave up fighting for his life after a major stroke a week prior to that. I was the one that wrote the obituary and stuffs, I can hardly believe that I am holding myself together so well...I mean, I fell apart when everything first happened, and then as things got worse I accepted the reality of the situation.

It is so hard to accept that they are both gone. I keep walking around the house just expecting to see one of them there, and feel only a little disappointment when I realize they aren't. Kris, AJ, and I moved in to their old room. It is still weird cause when I come home, I will sometimes mentally forget that it is our room and look in expecting to see Panka's new bed and everything. Instead I find a new crib, our bed with the new bed spread, and a new layout that works beautifully for Kris and I.

I know that they won't have forgotten me and I will never forget them. I had them in my life for 21 years and was truly lucky to have their company. Lessons were taught to me that I wouldn't have learned anywhere else. What more could a girl ask for?

♥*Mel*

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Hard Times

I haven't written or said much about this recently just because this is hitting my family and I so hard, but Panka is in the hospital after having quite the major stroke. This happened after spending Tuesday out with Nana, Kris, AJ, and I. We went and had lunch before him and Nana went to get Nana a haircut. After that they went home while Kris and I did our shopping the AJ. Once we returned home, we had a light dinner and then all of us went our separate ways. Panka played with AJ before she went for her visit with her father and then went to his room to watch some TV. That is when the stroke occurred, he was just in his room and Kris noticed that something was wrong.

Since Tuesday he has been in the hospital. Thankfully though, he isn't in ICU or anything like that. However, he doesn't have any use of his left side, he doesn't even recognize it as a part of him. He can manage few words, and makes hand gestures. He does recognize everyone which is a good sign. The doctor doesn't seem to think it is enough though, and there are some big doubts about him coming home. It is truly sad to hear and think about but it is the actuality of the situation though sadly. He isn't showing the kind of improvements that the doctors would prefer to see, but with his age things aren't looking too good sadly. I was lucky enough to have him in my life for 21 years, and my daughter 5 months. My great grandfather was lucky enough to experience and see 2 children, 6 grandchildren (although one of them is no longer spoken to), close to if not more than 20 great grandchildren, and three great great grandchildren (so far). Most people do not have experiences such as these and have people whom remember these stories and are able to pass these stories down to the next generations.

We are constantly hoping for him to pull out of this somehow, but I don't know how likely or possible it is. I've seen good things, but I've also seen some unpromising ones...*sigh* it is a lot to see and watch, but it is all we can do until he either fights his way through to a recovery that will make him happy, or he decides to give up. Either way, this is a hard experience although losing him will be much harder on all involved, at least we will then it is what he would have wanted because I know that he wouldn't want to have to be hooked up to tubes and unable to move on his own for the rest of his life.

We hope for the best and for what will/would make him happy, but as always we are prepared for the worst.

♥*Mel*

Tags:

Sicky Sick

Kris has a head cold, I'm in constant pain thanks to my wonderful back, and the AJ-monster doesn't really want to sleep...this means we are in for a long day, lol!

♥*Mel*

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Just for Something to Say

Just because I want to say it...
I LOVE KRIS!
End...
♥*Mel*

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The Basic Welcome

If you aren't on my friend list already, and you read some of these entries you may get a little confused. If you want to get the whole story on the "Sweet Lies" saga, as I call it, friend me. Either message me, or leave a comment on the most recent entry you find.

Reason behind this is because, I like my privacy as much as the next person, but there are certain parts of my life that I don't mind everyone hearing about, so I go back and forth between "friend's only" and "public".

As I said, you want the whole story about me, send a signal!
♥*MJ*
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